Welcome to Week 2 of our month long journey toward greater resilience. Last week I wrote about the benefit of self-comforting, and how to improve our ability to soothe our emotions when we are feeling incredibly stressed out (so, all of 2020 and 2021).
I hope you found the strategies in last week's post helpful. This week we are going to build on self-comfort by adding the benefits of taking action when we are experiencing stress.
I don't know about you, but my default response when I am stressed out is to get busy. I clean the house while I am contemplating my emotions and their source. I also use that time to think creatively about solutions, which is part of this week's list of strategies. I also find that I am best able to manage stress if I find ways to ACT on the resolution to the stressor. Sometimes that is not possible, so you may have to act on the plan to resolve, but I am getting ahead of myself! Maybe you are like me, and you like to get busy when you are stressed. Maybe you feel paralyzed by stress, and you begin to shut down and slow down. Maybe you fall somewhere between those two. Let's look at what the research tells us about managing stress and the actions we can take as part of that management.
We are going to break down our actions into two categories: problem solving and information seeking. You may find that you focus on one area, and then move to the other, or that you move back and forth between information seeking, problem solving, then back to information seeking, etc. That is fine, whatever works for you! You may also find that you need to take some time out to engage in some self-comforting while you are working through the information seeking and problem solving processes.
The 4 quadrants in the adaptive coping wheel are not linear strategies. Rather, they are a compilation of strategies that work in concert. You may bounce around between the quadrants multiple times, sometimes even simultaneously, while managing a particular stressor, or series of stressors.
Let's dive in to the processes in 'taking action' toward coping or resolving a stressful situation. Again, keep in mind that these strategies, as you see them in the wheel, are not in a particular order. You may find that you bounce from one part of problem solving to a part of information seeking, and then back to problem solving, etc. You may also move around between self-comfort, taking action, considering options, and accessing social resources.
Problem solving first requires that you identify the problem that you are currently facing, which is a process that you hopefully began while dealing with and managing your emotional response to the stress this issue has caused. At any point in the process of coping, it is beneficial to return back to the problem at hand, remind yourself what the problem is, and possibly make adjustments to how you are defining the problem. Keep your focus on the core problem, avoiding any temptation to veer off to another problem that comes into your awareness while working through the coping quadrants. If you find another problem along the way, it may be beneficial to adjust the way you are currently defining the problem/stressor at hand, but you may also find it helpful to keep a list of the 'other' problems that crop up along the way, so you may cognitively put them aside to focus on the issue at hand, knowing that you have the problem written down somewhere and can refer back to it later.
Once the problem is clearly identified, strategizing possible solutions would be a helpful next step. What are the possible ways in which this issue might be resolved (or at least, how might you cope with this stressor, if it is not for you to resolve)? Brain storm all possible solutions or strategies, and make a list of them all. Don't discard any possibilities just yet. Keep a list to which you can repeatedly and consistently refer.
Instrumental action is the process through which you identify all of the benefits and challenges of a potential strategy. Here again, being creative is key, and writing down all possible benefits or challenges that come to mind. While creating this list, it might be helpful to move over to information seeking. Ask others for ideas, and ask others about the strategies you have compiled to date. Read information from credible sources, experts in the area, to gather information that may be new to you as you consider the benefits and challenges of each option. Observing others as they respond to stressors, especially the specific issue at hand for you, can be helpful in creating more possible solutions to your problem.
After listing all of the possible benefits and challenges for your list of solutions, choose the one solution you think may be the best, and then start planning. Plan how to implement this strategy, and how you will evaluate the efficacy of this particular solution. You are not wed to a particular strategy once you have chosen it, so it is a good idea to recognize that you have other options (those you have listed, and maybe some you find along the way in the implementation phase). As part of your plan for implementation, consider how you will evaluate the efficacy of this choice along the way.
Remember, the source of your stress, the reason you are in need of some adaptive coping strategies, may be something you cannot change. In which case, this process of adapting and coping may be more about finding new ways to deal with this ongoing stressor, not about resolving the stressor itself. Regardless, the process is the same.
Keep in mind that you may decide along the way that your choice of strategies may not work out the way you had hoped. This can be for a variety of reasons, some in your control and others outside of your control. Regardless of the reason, if you realize along the way that the plan is not working the way you had hoped, be open and flexible. Be prepared to change course, or choose another solution. Go back to your list of strategies and think through them again. It is okay to change course! You are the beneficiary of the outcomes of your effort here!
If you decide you need or want to change course, make sure to take some time for reflection, and some self-compassion. You've got this!
As always,
Be well, stay safe and take care!
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