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Writer's pictureChris Weinkauff Duranso

Allow yourself to be imperfect, angry, sad: Just 'be'

Hello again! As I reflect on the blog posts I have shared with you so far during this pandemic, I realized that I have made a lot of suggestions that require you to 'do' something. So, today, I want to focus on the value of doing nothing but embracing authenticity and emotional awareness. In other words, the value in admitting how or what you are feeling, and just letting yourself feel it.


I feel lucky that I have a stable income, a job that allows me to work from home during the pandemic, food on the table, and a puppy to keep me company. I feel lucky that my family members are all safe and healthy amidst the pandemic. I have it good, and I know that. But I still have days where I am lonely, bored, stressed, angry, sad, frustrated. A lot of those days, actually. Writing this blog has helped me tremendously, as I remind myself of the actions I can take to improve my own well-being. But sometimes, it is important to stop trying to change what you are feeling or thinking, and just let those feelings or thoughts reside in you for a while. Not too long, as we don't want to ruminate (see previous blog on the dangers of extended rumination) or dwell too long in a bad mood or emotional state. But, forcing ourselves to feel or think a particular way because it is culturally expected or because the research suggests it is best, well, forcing it isn't the best first step. Allowing ourselves to 'FEEL' or 'THINK' whatever we are feeling or thinking is essential to really understanding ourselves and our situation. It is essential to being honest about your current state. Pretending you aren't lonely, or reminding yourself that other people have it worse than you do, doesn't make the loneliness go away. It may even exacerbate the feeling or add another level, like guilt, to the experience. Feeling lonely, and feeling guilty for feeling lonely, isn't helping you feel more connected to others, which is what loneliness signals: a lack of connection to others.


Research tells us that being emotionally aware or being conscious of our thoughts is the first step in either fully embracing the positive in those experiences, or the first step in resolving the negative. Feeling lonely, angry, sad, frustrated? Okay. Feel it. Then, after a hour minutes or hours, think about why you are feeling that way. Understanding why you feel that way can help you practice problem-focused coping strategies. In other words, allowing yourself to be authentic with yourself, acknowledging what you are feeling, allowing yourself to have that experience, and then figuring out why you are having it can help you move past it. Denying it won't make it go away!


So, embrace those emotions and those thoughts. Let them come into your awareness and allow yourself to be truthful with yourself about what you are experiencing. It is okay. As a matter of fact, it is an essential part of being human to experience the full spectrum of emotions (and thoughts), from the 'good' to the 'bad'. And it is essential to understand those emotional experiences to learn, to develop resilience and compassion for self and others, and to create a repertoire of strategies for problem solving in the future. It is essential to being.


Living and embracing your emotional experiences and thoughts will allow you to become wiser, stronger, and more understanding. A better human being. So, don't ignore those emotions or thoughts. Live them.


I am reminded of the great philosopher and psychologist, Erich Fromm, who wrote decades ago about having and being. Fromm wrote prolifically about the culture of having that many cultures embrace, while the culture of 'being' that is much more aligned with the science of flourishing. Being in the world, living and experiencing the world, your emotions, your relationships, your activities, is much more meaningful than the act of consuming, or having things. Much more on this topic tomorrow, as I introduce you to the concepts of hedonic and eudaimonic happiness. Until then, embrace your emotional experiences and your thoughts. Embrace being.


Stay safe, be well, and take care.





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