Here we are in 2021 and things have not gotten drastically better than they were in 2020. I know for many, there was this hope that 2021 would usher in better days. While that may be true at SOME point, it certainly did not happen with magic pixie dust, a celebratory cocktail at midnight, or the click of the digital clock from 11:59pm on December 31, 2020 to 12:00am on January 1, 2021. In 2021: Still a pandemic, still civil unrest, still systemic racism (massively on display on recent days and events), still unemployment, hunger, housing insecurity, remote learning, and all sorts of missed social events. Anger, frustration, fear, still here.
So, in light of all that, and the typical "New Year's Resolutions" that motivate so many to be a better version of themselves in some particular way, I am going to talk about the kinds of standards we are setting for ourselves and others during this incredibly difficult time. Most years, those resolutions are great ways to motivate us to improve in some way, but this year, our resilience is really being tested, and we need to be smart about how we are using our energy.
We all have very different lives right now, different than what we had hoped them to be in many ways. Kids are probably still on remote learning - not their favorite or chosen way to learn most likely. And not parents' choice of learning circumstances, either. Working from home, not working, or working hard while risking exposure to the virus - none of these are really situations we have chosen for ourselves, but here we are, still. No fitness center activity, no social engagements, no date nights, but a lot of time spent at home for most of us right?
What is my point in hashing through all of this dreariness? First, to recognize that you are, or I am, not alone in this shit show. We feel alone quite a bit, right? Alone at home. Without friends or family to gather together for connection, so it is nice to find ways to recognize we are NOT alone. But also, I want to point out, again, just how much cognitive energy it takes to manage this shit show. On an average day, when we are NOT in a shit show, our brains require a lot of energy to process the everyday trappings of life (bills, schedules, family, work, etc.).
In the chaos we have continued to experience in the past 12 months-ish, well, our brains have been working a lot of overtime, managing the stress of a pandemic, civil unrest, uncertainty, and massive changes in our lives and routines. That is exhausting, and while we have spent a long time in this shit show, that does not mean that it takes our brains any LESS energy to manage it. The stress is ongoing, and chronic stress is exhausting emotionally, cognitively, and physically. We don't just 'adjust' to this amount of chronic stress, and adapt to it in such a way that we can go back to the way we lived pre-pandemic.
I remember when we first went into shut down at my university, last March (2020). Many universities went into remote learning around that time, and there was a lot of chatter about how professors/researchers would have more time on their hands because they were not commuting, and were not on campus with all the distractions that might exist there. Some mused about how much research and writing they were going to get done with all that 'extra time'. Let me tell you, first and foremost, that remote learning has NOT provided more time for any one I know, educators OR learners. It is much more time consuming and effortful for everyone involved. So, no, there is not any 'extra time' for catching up on writing, researching, or much of anything else.
Even if you are not an educator, though, you probably thought about that, right? If you are working from home, you may have thought about all that time saved without a commute to work. Just you and your computer at home, pajamas on the bottom, suit on the top 'Zoom fashion'. But by now you have probably recognized that those great intentions have probably not panned out. If you, like me, have come to realize that your mind is just not pumping out the creative work you thought was going to bubble to the surface, don't be too hard on yourself. The science of psychology supports this experience.
It is mighty difficult to be creative or highly productive, consistently, when your brain is focused so much on the chronic stress of 2020, and now 2021. Survival, in its many forms, is the focus for our human brain, and that does not leave a lot of energy remaining to activate the brain regions that fire our creativity. Sure, there are probably some people who have written great music, journalistic pieces or even research during this shit show. Thankfully, there are some people that ARE creative right now, helping to combat the virus, producing PPE in facilities that were not originally designed for PPE production, and solving other really difficult problems brought about by the pandemic.
That is great!
But if that is not you, show yourself a little compassion. Most of us are in a similar place right now. The shit show is exhausting, and our brains are doing what they were designed to do: focusing on survival. Right now, look for the areas in your life where it is okay to say: "Good enough is good enough."
Before you get your undies in a bunch, so to speak, don't worry. I am not wasting the tuition money of my students, or their parents, by being 'good enough' in the remote learning environment. I am pouring my energy into that area of my life, as it is very important to do so. But I have found other areas of my life where I have decided it is okay to decline shooting for excellent and instead, choosing to be okay with 'good enough'.
One of those areas is how clean my house is right now. Sure, I have TIME to clean since I am not doing a lot of other things while I am on strict lock down in Los Angeles, but sometimes I just don't FEEL, for instance, like dusting the ceiling fan blades regularly (yes, I am one of those...). Give me a break. I have forgone any desire to keep the refrigerator or my closet organized. I do sometimes leave dishes sit overnight. I can be caught eating straight out of the refrigerator, while standing with the door open, on occasion.
And yes, I have writing goals I set before the pandemic hit that are still collecting dust. I have to be okay with that. They will be there when I have the creative energy to do them justice, but until then, I am learning to be okay with 'good enough'. Just for now. And so should you. Don't ruminate on those social media posts others are posting about how much they claim to be accomplishing during the 2nd season of the 2020 shit show. Great for them, but do NOT use that as a benchmark for your own measure of success.
Decide what is important in your life, what is deserving of your best energy right now, and then get more comfortable with letting other things be less perfect. It is okay, for now. When this shit show ends, we can rebuild our emotional reserves, and tap into that creative energy with more fervor. We WILL get there. Just not right now.
So, in short, find the areas of your life that are important or urgent, and focus your energy on doing your best in those areas. Then, find the areas in your life that are acceptable, just for now, to be less than excellent. And then, let yourself be okay with that. I stopped looking up at those dusty fan blades, so I am not reminded of how they 'could' look but don't. I stopped thinking about how much endurance I have lost since I cannot run trails right now, and have accepted that I will get it back when it is safe to get there again. Right now, I am focusing my energy on the things that are most important: Being the best educator I can be, helping others by sharing my knowledge of the science of positive psychology here, cuddling with my husband and my puppy, doing a lot of yoga and meditation, and staying connected to my family via Zoom.
So, you choose. Where do you want to focus your energy, and what can be 'good enough' for now? It is your call!
Meanwhile...
Be well, stay safe, and take care.
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