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Writer's pictureChris Weinkauff Duranso

Feeling tired of being told what to/not to do? Here's how to manage that pent up 'rebellion'!



It has been over a year now, since the entire world was struck with the pandemic. Over a year of being told by scientists (of whom I have great respect) what we should be doing to 'flatten the curve' or 'slow the spread'.


We have all experienced great, and varied, restrictions to our daily lives and livelihoods. It has been difficult to restrict our social interactions, give up holidays or vacations with those we love, work from home, lose our job, or work in high-risk environments during the pandemic. Many have lost loved ones. Life for the past year has been a true shit show, and one plagued with so many disappointments, challenges, and struggles. And that has just been the pandemic and the consequences of it- we also have continued political and civil unrest.


With all that has been happening this past year, it is not surprising that so many are feeling a little punchy about getting back to some sort of 'normal', even though the scientists are telling us not to give up on cautious behaviors just yet. It seems like much of the world is acting or feeling like a rebellious toddler that doesn't want to be told 'no'.


Which I totally understand.


I am tired of masking, staying home, recording lectures instead of seeing students in person, missing my kids and other family members, not socializing with my friends, and skipping my daily trail runs because there are too many unmasked people on the trails. I'm tired of being told by the CDC that it isn't time to loosen restrictions yet. I'm tired of some politicians regulating their own agendas with no consideration for what the people they represent truly want or need.


I'm just tired of the shit show and wish it were over.


But it is not over. Yet.


We must, must, must continue to practice the same sort of cautious behaviors we began last year.


We must, must, must continue to maintain our commitment to slowing the spread, getting our vaccination(s), and protecting ourselves and others from catching this virus.


If we all maintain our commitment to the science on this, we can see our families and friends again, work or go to school in person, travel, and enjoy our lives again, soon. That isn't nonsense, it is what the data gathered by medical professionals, epidemiologists, and other scientists shows.


So, what do we do with all of this pent up rebelliousness?


It is completely normal to be tired of all of these restrictions. It is human nature to push for autonomy, regardless of your age. We all want to feel we are in control of our lives, that we are independent and can make our own decisions. That push for autonomy is both our human strength and weakness. It drives us to become independent beings, to pursue our passions or our purpose, and to make the world a better or different place because of our existence. It also drives us to make poor decisions sometimes. Like choosing to defy science or reason in order to do what we want. Which can be risky or dangerous to ourselves, and in a pandemic, risky to others, too.


When we are tired of being told 'no, you cannot do that yet', what do we do with our very human desire to push back and do what we want anyway, much like a rebellious toddler (or teenager)?


Well, one thing we can do is redirect that energy into other behaviors or practices. Feeling constricted with all of these limitations? Find ways to expand in other areas of your life. Allow yourself some freedom to break simple rules that won't impact others.



Simple acts of defiance can go a long way in releasing some of that pent up energy and frustration. They may even seem silly, but can be incredibly impactful.


I, for one, defy the science of good sleep hygiene one night per week, by allowing myself to crawl into bed with my iPad and watch ridiculous entertainment for an entire hour. It feels rebellious enough, but isn't harming anyone but myself, as I drag myself out of bed the next morning, wondering why I didn't just go right to sleep the night before.



Another way to redirect that rebelliousness is through the practice of positive deviance: Using our rebellious energy for good. The late, great John Lewis called this 'good trouble'. Good trouble is the act of defying the 'norms' in order to improve lives, communities, nations, or cultures. Positive deviance is about using your strengths or assets, individually or with others, to elicit change that contributes to the greater good. Positive deviance is about harnessing that frustration, that rebellious energy, into good works. Gathering like-minded individuals who are also frustrated to work together. Change the norms, change the procedures, change the expectations to make the world a better place.


Recent examples of positive deviance, or good trouble, or evident everywhere. Just look at the news on any given day, and you may find someone, or some group, defying norms in order to elicit positive change.


How do you find a way to channel your rebellious energy into positive deviance?


Maybe you have a clear idea of what change needs to be made in your home, your family, or your community. Start talking with like-minded people to see how you can put these ideas into action, working together to improve lives or circumstances.


Maybe you have a clear idea of the problem(s), but no real idea about the solution. That is okay. Reach out to local groups or community organizations to see how you can be of help. Social media has a great way to connecting us with others if we just look around.


One example of positive deviance that is very relevant today is the work of local groups or organizations across the country that are working to help connect elderly or at risk people with vaccination appointments, or transportation to appointments. Many people do not have computers or internet service, so they don't know when they are eligible or how to actually get their vaccination.


What do we do to help?


We get creative, and we take access to the people. Groups around the country are harnessing their energy and resources to go door-to-door in at risk neighborhoods, or local gathering points, using their iPads or smartphones to register eligible people for vaccination appointments. Other positive deviants are helping find or organize transportation to appointments.


This is just one example of how 'good trouble', or 'positive deviance', can help you vent that rebellious feeling you have inside, and also help others.


You decide what you want or can do with that pent up energy. There are the small ways in our everyday lives, where we may allow ourselves to 'break' our own rules, like taking the iPad to bed. There are also the other ways, on a grander scale where we can practice some positive deviance, channeling our frustration in creative ways to improve our life or the lives of others (which also happens to heighten our own well-being and life satisfaction).


While we all wish for the day when we can move about freely and without worry of catching or spreading a often deadly virus, right now we need to remain vigilant on that front. Follow the science and trust that scientists know the science more than we do. Even if it isn't convenient. And then, take the pent up energy, that rebellious desire to say 'no' to reason, and funnel it into other more safe acts of rebellion, or into grander acts of 'positive deviance'.


Soon enough, we will be able to move about more freely, and behave autonomously, without concern for the deadly virus. This is the hope I hold onto while finding new and interesting ways to exert my energy and frustration!


In the meantime....


Be well, stay safe, and take care.


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