I remember as a kid, my mom would take my sisters and I to the blueberry farm, to pick fresh fruit for our family. We would spend hours picking blueberries (3 berries for the bucket, 1 for my mouth. I hope my mom paid for the ones we ate.). Then we would load up the trunk with the fruits of our labor, literally. Our bellies were full and our bodies sunned and tired, we would begin the journey home. My mom would stop along the way to drop off some of our hard earned fruits to neighbors and grandparents. By the time we got home, we would have about half what we had picked, but it was an important exercise in the value of doing for others. It wasn't the only way we learned that lesson, but it is the most memorable for me.
I learned from my mother that helping others was an important part of a healthy society, but also that it was good for both the giver AND receiver in the transaction. As an adult, I feel better about myself and my life when I can do for others, and stress research supports this experience with science.
My mom also taught me that helping someone else when you are stressed out is a benefit to you both.Turns out that she was right, and the science supports it.
In a previous post, I spoke about the benefits of the stress hormone, oxytocin. Oxytocin has many functions, one of which is to encourage us to reach out to others when we are stressed out. It motivates us to share our problems with the people who care about us. In the process of sharing, we may experience relief at simply letting out the worry, but also relief from their responses. They might encourage us that we are not alone, that we are not unusual in our feelings or experience, that they do or have experienced similiar circumstances, and they may even be able to provide advice or assistance. So, oxytocin often helps us resolve our stressors. It also helps repair the damage stress can do to our heart muscle(s)!
Here is an interesting twist to this stress research with oxytocin. It turns out that when we are stressed, if we help someone else who is stressed or in need, we boost our oxytocin levels, along with some other 'feel good' hormones, that boost our mood.
So, when we are stressed, it is in our best interest to ignore the desire to shut down and be alone, if that is your 'go-to' stress response. Ignore that, and listen to your body's oxytocin that tells you to call someone, or reach out in whatever way you can, to the person or people that matter to you. Reach out, and tell them what is happening. And then, if you can, maybe find someone who is stressed out and help them. It could be the person you reached out to for support. It could be, that in talking to them about your problem(s), they opened up about theirs, too. Now, you can help each other. Support each other. Encourage each other.
Hugging increases oxytocin levels, too, and helps us feel better, but I won't encourage hugging during a pandemic. Save that for later.
Stress research tells us that when we are stressed, reaching out to the people we care about helps us relieve the pressure, boost our mood and immune system, and thus, extend our lives. When we help others during our stressful times, we allow ourselves to forget about our problems for a little while, and feel the ego boost, the mood enhancements, and the oxytocin increases that come from helping others. This also helps relieve our own pressure, boost our mood and immune system, thus extending our lives.
Here is a TED talk about it, if you want to know more about the science:
Maybe you feel like you are exhausted from dealing with your incredibly stressful life right now, and there is no room for helping someone else. I totally understand that. I am not asking you to take this information in today's post, or any other one, and force it into your life. Or to feel guilty or bad if you cannot or do not use it, or feel the benefits that the science suggests are available to you. If your life seems like too much right now, and there is no energy left to help someone else, please don't. Take care of yourself. These are tough times. Very tough times. This might be the time for you to reach out to someone else for help. Remember, they get the benefit that the science says is very real for them, too. If they help you when you need it, they get the oxytocin boost, the mood enhancement, the strengthened immune system. So, by asking them for help, you are helping them, too.
Don't hesitate in asking for help when you need it. Share your burdens with the people who care about you. Reach out to social services or other programs in your community to help you in times of need. We are facing incredibly difficult times, and we must stick together, take care of each other, and continue to have hope for the future. We will get through this. Together.
Be well, stay safe.
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