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Writer's pictureChris Weinkauff Duranso

Physically Distancing is not Socially Distancing: Stay Connected!

Do you feel like you are disconnected from the real world because of the pandemic? Are you craving connection with other humans, and wishing you could just get a hug? Human beings are designed to be social, to connect with others, to give and receive physical touch. When we don't give/receive adequate physical connection, our well-being can really suffer. Depressive symptoms, sadness, loneliness, impatience, even feeling a little paranoid (it's me against the world) are all symptoms you might experience if you are not getting adequate physical connection. Newborn babies in NICU (neonatal intensive care units) who are incubated for protection can experience delays in physical, emotional, and even cognitive development if they don't receive some sort of human touch for long periods of time. So, yes, we all need to touch and be touched!


Early in the pandemic, one of my daughters came to stay with me for 3 months. She lives in NYC and wanted to escape the rising number of COVID cases early on in the outbreak. It was so nice to have here with me, so neither of us were alone, and I felt better as a mother knowing she was not in the thick of things in NYC, when things were spiraling out of control. That whole time she was here, we decided to be very cautious about our interactions, so we did not touch each other the whole time. That was so hard! We knew it was a good precaution, given that I was going out for groceries each week, but it was really difficult to avoid hugging her every day. I felt a bit of loneliness even though she was living with me!


You may or may not be living alone right now (I am living alone), but either way, our typical existence has been radically changed by the pandemic. Our usual routines have been completely changed, and it is difficult to manage that! So, while it remains important to distance from others to avoid spreading the virus, there is a HUGE difference between physically distancing and socially distancing. We have been told by medical experts to "socially distance" but that is really a misnomer. What they really mean is to physically distance from others. Socially distancing would mean avoiding social connection with others, and there are plenty of ways for us to stay socially connected while remaining physically distanced from others. We need it, and I will suggest some ways to remain socially connected. While none of these ideas include physical touch, these tips can help you stay socially connected to the degree that it is safe during the pandemic.


Obvious ways to remain socially connected are to call friends and family regularly on the phone. Staying in touch by hearing your loved ones' voices helps us remain connected. Ask them about their day, about their struggles, and their triumphs. Maybe make plans for post-pandemic activities, so you have something to look forward to with them.


If you have a smart phone or a computer with a camera, you can upgrade your phone calls to video calls. Skype, WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, Microsoft Meetings are some programs you can use, and most have free options. Seeing your loved one(s) while you are talking to them adds another dimension to the connection you feel with them, and is even more enjoyable!!! You can chat, watch your favorite TV show together, play a game virtually (I am a big fan of the Scrabble app on my iPad), or even cook 'together'! My girlfriends and I regularly have a Zoom Wine/Whine hour. Sometimes we even get dressed up, put on makeup, and do our hair for the occasion! A friend of mine has themed wine hours with her friends over Zoom!


If video chatting is not an option (or even if it is....), meeting friends, family, or neighbors outdoors while remaining at least 6 feet apart is another awesome option. There is a viral video that shows a neighborhood in Italy where everyone steps out on their balcony while the sun is setting, and they share a glass of wine together and chat from a distance. I love that video, and have tried that in my neighborhood as well. Setting up tables or chairs outdoors, so they are an appropriate distance apart, and meeting with friends, family, neighbors, outside to just chat, have a cocktail/glass of wine/beer/water/lemonade, etc., can be a really wonderful way to feel connected to others.


Meeting friends or family members at a park for a distanced picnic is another great way to stay connected. Don't share food, as that is risky, but you can each bring your own meal and blanket, then spread out in the open air with plenty of distance between your blankets (or chairs, etc.).


Can't get to a park? Don't have a porch or balcony? How about a fire escape on your apartment building? A rooftop gathering with friends, or people on the neighboring rooftop? A driveway? Live in an apartment building? Set a chair in your doorway and chat with your neighbor across the hall? This might be the best opportunity to get to know people you have passed by every day but were too busy to get to know. I have made great friends in my neighborhood during the pandemic - because we are all working from home and have more time to notice and get to know each other.


One more idea. Some of you may be too young to have EVER done this, but..... how about stepping away from technology and writing handwritten letters to friends and family? It can be fun to write, and fun to find something other than a bill in your mailbox! Draw a picture, write a poem, or just tell them how much you appreciate them. Parents and grandparents would really appreciate a handwritten letter, too! FYI- don't have postage stamps, and can't get out to the post office? No worries! I have ordered stamps online from usps.com. They arrive in about a week, and you don't have to leave the house! You can also order prestamped envelopes from the post office, if you need envelopes.


So, to summarize. Physically distancing is important to do our part to end the pandemic, but socially distancing is important for our well-being. So, find ways to stay socially connected. Phone calls, video chats, virtual events with friends, or gathering in person at a distance in your building, neighborhood, or at a park. Set dates so you have something to look forward to, and consider themes so you can access your creative side and add to the fun. Write a handwritten letter to loved ones. They will love it, and you will be surprised at how much you enjoy it, too!


Stay well, and stay connected! Be safe! Mask up!



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