Let's start the week off with a blog about kindness. 2020 was a rough year, and 2021 so far has not magically changed that, but we do have hope that things will get better this year, and I'd like to talk about one way we can contribute to positive change in our own quaranteam, social circle, family, or community: Random acts of kindness.
Random acts of kindness. We have probably all heard news reports or watched social media videos about Starbucks customers paying for others' coffee, and pizza donations to long lines of voters. While the world seems pretty ugly right now, there are plenty of examples of humans acting selflessly to benefit others.
Why, one might ask, would anyone do something kind for a stranger, especially when the world seems so angry and divisive right now? Well, this is precisely the time to do such things.
The science of well-being tells us that when your mood is dark, hope seems bleak, or the circumstances we find ourselves in seem hopeless, an act of kindness for a stranger or friend can boost our emotions, our optimism, and our resilience!
A while ago, I wrote about the very real need, right now, for helping others or accepting help from others. It is so important, that this week's topic is going to return to that conversation and expand on it. There are various categories of assistance, or 'helping behaviors', that we can provide to others (or have others provide to us). There are the typical friend/family categories of assistance when we are struggling, like instrumental help (babysitting, lending money, helping with car or home repairs, etc.), which can be very beneficial in times of financial difficulties or when one feels an overwhelming burden that is being carried alone. There is emotional support, such as sharing conversations about difficult situations (break ups, job loss) and relaying similar experiences that say "I know how you feel", "I have been there before, too", and "You can survive this and be happy again", or simply "I've got your back." There is advice giving, where hopefully good and helpful advice provides valuable instruction for a difficult circumstance. There is also the valuable opportunity to shift attention to something else, distracting, with stress free fun or entertainment. That can help, too!
Another type of assistance we can all give is the kind often referred to as 'random acts of kindness'. These actions are typically spontaneous, one-time actions to help either someone we know OR a stranger.
The good news, from the science of psychology, is that all of these ways in which we can help or be helped are mutually beneficial. Obviously, the person who receives the help benefits from the assistance itself, but also the reassurance that they are not alone in this world, that someone cares enough to pay attention and provide help. For the person giving the aid, they benefit too. Helping others acts as an unconscious, or conscious, reassurance that when we are in need, others will come to our aid, too. And, of course, there is some biology to this whole process, too. When we help others, we gain optimism and hope for the future, and our brains light up in interesting ways! And here, my friends, is where it gets really interesting! When we help someone, our brain boosts our levels of seratonin, oxytocin, and dopamine. All are correlated with positive affect, or moods. These hormones improve our mood, along with the mood of the person we are helping, and....counteract cortisol, which is a stress hormone! Which means.... helping others helps us, too, by attending to our stress levels!
Random acts examples, that don't have to be big or cost money:
Non-pandemic examples: pick up a dropped item, open a door, hug a friend.
Pandemic examples: let a car into traffic ahead of you, hold the door from a distance, ask a neighbor if they need anything, check in on co-workers to see how they are doing.
So, yet another way, in the simplest of ways, we can make the live of others better and also improve our own resilience and well-being. Is is a way to lower the emotional walls we build around us for protection, reduce divisiveness by remembering we all need help sometimes, and maybe repair some of the anger and frustration that has built up this past year, thanks to a lot of political and social unrest. Let's get busy being kind!
As always...
Be well, stay safe, and take care!
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