We have all probably heard the phrase: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." The takeaway from this message being that in difficult times, find some benefit or positive in it. There are times when this advice is helpful, but there are also times when it can be counterproductive. Research in this area refers to this insistence that difficult times require making lemonade 'toxic positivity'.
I don't know about you, but there have been many times in my life when I wanted to shoot the messenger when the message was 'make lemonade'. Sometimes the shit show we are living in just feels like an appropriate time to ruminate, wallow, or succumb to our bad mood for a while. I have done that on occasion, and I admit that there have been more occasions than usual this year. 2020 has given us a banner crop of bitter lemons! As I have stated in previous posts here, allowing ourselves to just 'be' or 'feel' for a while is not a bad thing. We need to be honest with ourselves, and when the shit show feels a little more wretched than usual, being in a foul mood may be just what you need to process the excess toxicity that the world is shoveling into your life.
Pushing yourself, or advising someone else, to find the positive in a bad situation can exacerbate the emotional response, mainly by forcing denial of the authentic experience, and possibly adding some guilt in the mix (for not thinking positively). Negative emotions are not bad, anyway.
Emotions cross the spectrum from positive to negative and all have their function for human beings. They tell us something about our world, our experiences, our values or attitudes. They are one internal barometer that helps us make sense of our world, and none of them are 'bad'. So, when the world is giving you the longest citrus season ever, or an unending supply of bitter lemons, go ahead and make that 'face' when you bite into a lemon (except for Meyer's lemons, mmmmm those are good!). Be true to yourself. And let others be true to themselves, too. Avoid giving advice to others who are having a bad day, pushing them to find the silver lining. Below is a chart I found on social media recently, and I think it does a great job of explaining the difference between our responses that are 'toxic positivity' and those that are more authentic and compassionate, to ourselves and others. Give these a try. With yourself and others. And then maybe, if you are of age and healthy enough to do so, make yourself a delicious cocktail with those lemons.
Be well, stay safe, and take care.
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