I don't know about you, but I have spent a lot of time this past year posing the question: "Why?" Why is this happening, why do I feel this way, why is _______ behaving that way, and so on. As human beings, we have an innate need to understand the meaning of 'things' and our own sense of meaning in the world. Call it purpose, a calling, but it all comes down to the same question: What is my purpose for living or being?
As a college professor, I often have conversations with my students about their purpose. As a parent of 4 amazing young adults, I have also spent countless hours talking to my kids, when they were teens, about what their adult lives might look like. It is a great privilege to be a part of those conversations, and to hopefully help bring clarity to that oft asked question about purpose or meaning. The science of well-being indicates what human beings have known for a long time: Understanding and pursuing our purpose in the world is essential to our life satisfaction and overall well-being.
We can push through difficult times and unexpected obstacles when we have clarity about our life goals and our life's meaning.
When we are uncertain about our life's meaning, or when we are uncertain about the difficulties that we face, our resolve can dwindle along with our well-being.
You have felt this uncertainty quite a lot this past year, haven't you? I know that I have had many moments in which I felt less resolve, and wondered what it would be like to ignore CDC guidelines, ignore emails, and just give life a big middle finger, figuratively.
Recent research on resilience, and general observations have uncovered the intense frustration felt by many individuals who gave up holiday traditions and time with family because the CDC suggested traveling and gathering in groups was a bad idea. Meanwhile, news outlets reported record numbers of holiday travelers passing through security check points in airports across the country. It may have been tempting to question your decision to follow CDC guidelines and give in, and make your way to grandma's house for the holiday after all. Or, you may have maintained your resolve while also feeling greater levels of frustration, loneliness, and anger at those who traveled. Either way, it probably did not feel good. It is likely that the holidays were filled with angst, anger, and some confusion about that big question: "Why?"
For all of us grappling with the big question packed into such a little, 3-letter word, it is time to take a step back from the micro-view of 'why', of meaning, and take a broader, big picture look at the macro-view of our life's purpose. Trust me, it will help you manage the micro-questions, the daily uncertainties, and the need to practice resolve in doing what is best for your own health and well-being.
Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist, author of "Man's Search for Meaning", and holocaust survivor, has long understood and proclaimed the life-saving, life-enriching value of knowing and pursuing meaning. His book, a memoir of his experiences in Auschwitz, focused on his observations of those who lived and died in the concentration camp during his 3-year imprisonment. What he saw was the life-giving power of meaning. He wrote about how people imprisoned at Auschwitz seemed to live despite the horrific conditions and treatment, because they had a strong and clear sense of purpose for living. Likewise, others who seemed to be physically able to survive the atrocities, died after losing the will, or sense of purpose, to live.
Frankl is not the only scientist to understand the importance of meaning. Many since his writings have observed the value meaning holds for health, longevity, life satisfaction, and resilience in the face of adversity.
2020 was fertile ground for testing the benefits of meaning, especially our ability to be resolved during the persistent challenges faced throughout the year. What we have found in the data so far is that having a strong sense of meaning can, indeed, contribute to resilience in the face of persistent adversities.
What does this mean for you and for me? It means we need to step back from our focus on the daily challenges and stressors, even if it is just for a moment, and give homage to our personal sense of purpose? I recognize that for many, getting through the day right now is tough, with kids schooling from home, many working from home or unemployed. Please know that I am not making light of how difficult life may be right now. My goal here is to help in what ever way possible. Even if life is incredibly difficult right now, or especially if life is difficult right now, this exercise may help.
What is your purpose? What was it before the 2020 shit show came to town? Has it changed since then? Has it needed some revising? Have you ignored it, because of the stress of daily living during such adverse times?
No worries, if any of those questions resulted in a 'yes'. Research on purpose tells us that it is very likely that our sense of purpose will change over time. Sometimes those changes are because of our own choosing, and sometimes those changes are out of necessity. Either way, our well-being will improve, our resilience remain strong, and our positive emotions win out if we are flexible to those changes, and adjust accordingly.
Pay attention to your purpose. Remind yourself of it daily. Post it on your computer or mobile devices as a home screen. Post-it note it (in pencil, so you can change it...) to the refrigerator or bathroom mirror, so you see it regularly. Take note of the circumstances that might require you to hold steadily to that sense of purpose, and those that might require or allow for adjustments in your purpose. Both are likely to arise, so be ready, and be willing to flex or stand firm. You will likely know which is appropriate.
2021 provides us hope for better days, and greater opportunities for each of us to pursue and fulfill our sense of purpose. Get ready! We've got this!
Meanwhile, as always...
Be well, stay safe, and take care.